Illicit
by LuxKen27
Summary: AU. Ravaged by guilt, Kagome seeks to end her illicit affair. A bittersweet lemon.


Title: Illicit

Author: LuxKen27

Universe: Alternate

Genre: Angst/Romance

Rating: X

Warnings: Lemon

Word Length: 2556

Summary: Ravaged by guilt, Kagome seeks to end her illicit affair. A bittersweet lemon._  
_

Author's Note: Inspired by, and containing lyrics from, the song "Feel Good Drag" by Anberlin. Many special thanks to psyco_chick32 for the beta job, and multiple reassurances that I managed to do it (mostly) right =)

Feedback is welcome and appreciated.

_Disclaimer: The_ Inuyasha _concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media._

"_Feel Good Drag" © 2008 Stephen Christian, Joseph Milligan [Anberlin]_

.xxxxx.

Kagome took a deep breath, steeling her spine as she made her way down the dimly lit hallway. _This is the right thing to do,_ she assured herself, willing her heart to stop racing. _It's getting too close, too serious, too fast._

She closed her eyes as she came to a halt in front of the apartment door, her hand shaking as she raised her fist to knock. _I love my boyfriend, I love my boyfriend…I _love _my _boyfriend_._ She straightened her shoulders, clinging to the thread of resolve that blossomed forth in her mind as she repeated her mantra. _I love him, and he loves me. That's why I have to end this. _

She could do this. She _had_ to do this, if she wanted any sort of viable future for herself. Inuyasha was close; she could feel it. How long, how hard had she fought for his ultimate commitment? How much pain, grief, sorrow had they been through together? How many beautiful moments had they shared? How much had she cried for – _and with_ – that man?

How foolish would she be, to throw that all away?

He was going to propose soon. She could feel it in her bones.

That's why she had to do this.

It felt like eternity passing, as she stood out in that hallway, waiting for that door to open – only so she could close it again. It had been a mistake from the start; thinking back on it now, she had no idea how it even began, or how it had escalated so quickly. Guilt over her thoughts, her words, her deeds ravaged her from the depths of her soul, and she knew she could no longer carry this secret burden. She deserved more than that.

_He_ deserved more than that.

The sound of the door opening brought her back to the present. Kagome glanced up, her breath shuttering in her lungs, her heart on track to outpace a hummingbird's, her hard-fought resolve crumbling as her eyes swept over the familiar visage. Waves of tousled silver hair fell over elegant shoulders and golden eyes seemed to glow as they lit up with recognition. He wore his usual impassive expression, a hint of surprise – or maybe knowing – bringing the slightest curl to the corner of his mouth.

"What are you doing here," he intoned, resting his free hand on his hip as he leaned against the door, tilting his head to allow his forehead to rest against its edge. His tone was smooth, almost warm, no hint of a question in his voice, almost as if he was somehow expecting her to show up, unannounced, in the middle of the afternoon.

One minute, she was standing out in the hall; the next, her mouth was on his, her arms wrapped around his neck, her hands sinking into the shimmering curtain of his hair. She was falling forward – into him – and then back – against the other side of the now-closed door. She clung to him, drawing his head down to hers with fervent, almost desperate kisses. He indulged her for a moment, opening his mouth, meeting her tongue with his, before pulling away slightly, his breath warm against her lips.

"What are you doing here," he repeated softly, his voice a low rumble in his throat.

…_I'm here for you, she said, and we can stay for awhile…_

"What do you think?" she finally managed, curling her hands into the collar of his shirt to keep him from pulling back even further. Her head was swimming, her heart was pounding, and waves of desire were rolling off her heated body.

_Now _she remembered how it had started.

His lips quirked into a small, sardonic smile. "And you can stay?" he queried.

"For awhile," she replied, sucking her lower lip between her teeth and allowing it to roll out slowly as she studied his mouth. She could see the barest hint of his fangs, the tiniest memento of his demonic heritage.

…_My boyfriend's gone – we can just pretend…_

"Mmm, good," he replied, sliding his arms around her waist, sending shivers up her spine as he grazed her lips with his. He lingered there for a moment, before trailing a line of light kisses across her jaw, capturing her earlobe between his teeth. "Tell me, darling, where do we begin?" he whispered, his breath warm against her cheek.

She exhaled sharply, any sense of reason quickly dissolving under a wave of pure, animalistic need. Her eyes fluttered shut as he pulled her close, pressing his fingers into the small of her back as his mouth continued its journey down the length of her neck. She trailed her fingers through the long locks of his hair, tugging gently against his scalp. He lifted a hand to brush away the strap of her top, before dutifully following suit with his tongue. She stopped him before he rounded the curve of her shoulder, bringing his mouth back to hers while at the same time pushing him back, ready to be away from the door.

They twirled haphazardly across the room, breaking apart only long enough to divest themselves of shirts before coming together once more, skin against warm skin, hands eager to explore familiar territory.

He sank down on the living room sofa with effortless grace, his fingers running lightly down the backs of her arms along the way, inviting her into his lap. She stared down at him for a moment, at his heavy-lidded golden eyes, his thoroughly kissed mouth, the markings that graced his cheeks peeking out from beneath silvery strands of hair –

– and all she could think was, _this man is pure sin_ –

– before following his lead and straddling his hips.

He growled, a purely masculine sound of satisfaction, as she brushed her lips against his neck, pressing tiny kisses to the soft skin below his ear before moving lower, nipping and sucking and licking, her tongue laving over his pulse points on her way to his collarbone. She trailed fingers quite appreciatively along the lines of his chest and abdomen, her hands sneaking lower with each passing sweep. She was distracted, temporarily, when he freed the clasp of her bra, his hands moving around greedily to cup her breasts.

She sighed when she felt his lips on her shoulder, his head nudging hers out of position. One hand slipped between her shoulders, holding her in place as his mouth moved lower, the tips of his teeth grazing the delicate skin as he kissed his way down towards his intended target. Her heart skipped a beat, her hands climbing up the planes of his back as she inched higher, using her knees as leverage, leaning forward into the heated touch. A breathy moan escaped her lips as his tongue flickered over her nipple, and her eyes cracked open, her vision filmy and unfocused.

A vague sensation of guilt passed through her as he continued to tease her; glancing down to see a silvery head between her breasts gave her an unwelcome jolt, seeing as how it could so easily have been his brother's…

…_Everyone in this town is seeing somebody else…_

She banished the thought from her mind, reminding herself that her situation wasn't so uncommon among her social set – it was only her choice of partners that made it so taboo. _Everybody's tired of someone, or something_, she reminded herself, her thoughts fragmenting as spasms of pleasure rocked through her. His tongue had found the soft skin where breast met sternum; his closed his mouth, nipping lightly before releasing with a kiss, turning his attention to the other side, his hands sliding down to the small of her back at the same time.

…_Prayers that need no answer now…_

She was fading fast, losing all coherent thought to sensation as his fingers began to move in soft circles over the base of her spine, dipping suggestively into the waistline of her pants. Her hips began to rock against his in response, earning another growl of pleasure from him, one that rumbled straight through her. He continued to stroke her back with one hand, using the other to lift her breast, pressing light, rapid-fire kisses against her ribcage. Her abdomen quivered when finally met with his touch, his mouth pressing soft kisses over the flat expanse of her belly as his hands slid around to the front, working quickly to unbuckle her belt and unbutton her pants.

"You have the devil's own hands," she gasped as his fingers slipped inside, taking an experimental stroke against the smooth satin of her panties. He grinned against her skin, stroking her again before pulling away teasingly. He motioned for her to sit, lifting his head, meeting her lips with a searing kiss, one that made her tense and melt all at the same time.

…_I'm tired of who I am…_

"You want to stop?" he mumbled against her mouth, and she realized her hands were flat against his chest, pushing away, blanching the surrounding skin white with her effort. She opened her eyes and stared into his, wondering if her guilt and sorrow were writ large across her features. His gaze was calm, though dark with desire; she wondered if she said yes, if he would truly be able to stop.

_You were my greatest mistake_, she thought, curling her fingers into her palms.

"No," she finally whispered, hoisting herself up so that he could slide the remaining bits of her clothing over her hips. Her lips met his as she resettled, her knees inching wider as his hands moved over her rear and down the backs of her legs. She continued to kiss as he continued to stroke, her mouth replacing her hands on his chest as his hands roamed, one drifting up her back into her hair, the other inching closer to home.

She treated him to the same lower back massage she had received as she streamed kisses across his chest, her tongue as tempting and teasing as his had been, following the smooth, defined grooves of his muscles. She started when she felt one of his fingers slide into her warmth, his thumb coming to rest against her clit. Her body tensed and relaxed as a shudder of pleasure washed over her, her skin heating and her desire building as he stroked and rubbed. _God, but he knew just how to do it… _The hand at her back drifted lazily through her hair; she glanced up to see his eyes were closed, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as her body reacted to his caresses.

She sat up suddenly, one arm closing around his neck as she felt herself on the edge, the muscles of her torso straining in a last-ditch effort to sustain the intensity –

– but all for naught as he pushed her over the limit.

She buried her face in his neck as she came, riding the spasms of pleasure till the end, breathing heavily against his skin as tears prickled behind her eyes. Oh, but _God_, he could get her off like nobody else…

…_nobody else…_

…not even her boyfriend.

He brushed her hair away from her shoulder with his free hand, pressing light kisses to her neck and breast as he withdrew, allowing her to relax and recover. She sighed as she turned her head, blinking rapidly as her body ebbed and flowed. For a long moment, they merely held one another, and twin waves of love and regret flooded her heart.

…_You were my greatest failure…_

_Why does it have to be this way?_ she thought, her vision blurring as she stared into the middle distance. _I wish I could blame him – 'your kiss, your calls, your lips, your lust,' – but I can't…I can't blame anyone but myself._

She turned her lips back to his skin, her hands drifting down to his waist as she drew back slightly. She saw him, studying her from the corner of his eye, a hint of curiosity touching his otherwise staid features. For all that he appeared to be relaxed, almost disinterested in their activities, he couldn't hide the evidence of his arousal.

He frowned as she worked open his belt and the button of his trousers. "Kagome – " he started, cupping his hand over her cheek and pressing her fingers into her hair.

"We're not finished," she interrupted, closing her hands over his shaft and giving it an experimental stroke. She looked up to see him sinking back into the cushions of the sofa, his eyes rolling back and his mouth opening slightly as he took a long, deep, jagged breath.

She wasn't prepared when he inclined his head again, looking straight back at her, his hold tightening over her cheek, the back of her neck. "Will we ever be?" he returned lowly.

She hesitated for the smallest moment before leaning forward, capturing his mouth with her own in response to his question. At the same time, she repositioned herself in his lap, using her hands to guide him to her entrance. Her hips sank into his, sheathing him to the hilt, before she drew away from the kiss.

His eyes narrowed as he studied her, his expression almost unreadable in the fading daylight…

In an instant, she found herself on her back, one of his hands clasped at her waist as the other urged her legs open further to accommodate the thrusts of his hips. She twisted one arm over his shoulders, brushing his hair off his back so that it curtained her, and reached for his face with the other, her fingers tracing the markings on his cheek.

_I fell in love with your sin_, she thought, watching as his eyes closed at the nearness of her touch. _Your kiss, your calls…my lies, my crutch, my all..._

Her hips rose to meet his as his thrusts grew more and more intense; she lifted herself up completely as he tumbled over the edge of his climax, closing her body around his, absorbing his moans of pleasure and satisfaction. Together, they sank back down, limbs intertwined, hearts satiated, minds troubled…

…_Failure is your disease…_

Time passed by unmarked as they lay together, the sun eventually sinking below the horizon, the room descending into inky darkness. Kagome took advantage of her position, allowing her hands to drift over the smooth planes of his back, brushing through the silky, silvery tresses of his hair. After what seemed like ages – or maybe only seconds – he shifted, pulling away and sitting up. He reached out, turning on a nearby table lamp before resting his chin in his hand, giving his back to his lover.

Kagome stared at him, this man made of sin and sex and lust, her forbidden desire, her heart's true wish. _This wasn't supposed to happen_, she despaired, closing her eyes as tears trickled down her cheeks. _I wasn't supposed to fall for you._

"You're going to marry him, aren't you," Sesshoumaru suddenly said, his tone cold, flat, almost grim.

She wiped away her tears. "Yes," she sighed. She sat up beside him, her hair falling over her shoulders as she grasped his arm.

She was almost afraid to ask…

"And this?" she whispered.

He pulled away from her touch. "This was over before it ever began."


End file.
